i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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