Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
