therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
