the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
