Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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