let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
