i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
