just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dont even know how to be here
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
