i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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