just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
