I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
