but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
