Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
