Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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