Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
