I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
