His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
