conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
