That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
4 words: hood of his car
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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