Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
