OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
