hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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