I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
