Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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