I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
