I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no, he came in my armpit
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
