Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
