either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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