When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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