Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My ATM looks so different sober.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
