I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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