he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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