Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
