i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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