I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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