around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
