Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
