oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
