dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
