I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
