When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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