She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
