When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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