I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
