great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
