Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
not ubering you a puppy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
