I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need to calm my uterus...
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