I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
