you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
