my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
