You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.