somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.