god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
