the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor