he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.