I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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