I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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