Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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