dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
