he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
