READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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