Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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