He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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