She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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