Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
