when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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