there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
