Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
