They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
