Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
