So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
