i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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