When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
