He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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