She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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