College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
