what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
