i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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