know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
