how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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