I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
